Yeah, more animal rescue. Does this happen to other people? Am i knocking seagulls out of the air with a baseball bat to get Internet attention? Look, i’m wondering the same thing as you. Maybe i’m playing birdsketball in my sleep or something.
This time, i was out playing Ingress with Briar, setting up this kick-ass geometric festival of AP (shut up), and i blah blah videogame crap needed to walk north on Elm. There we found two seagulls, one of whom was visibly lame, standing in the street.
Even though Briar is good at herding small furry tame things in my living room, she wasn’t really going to be useful in this situation, so I called Seamus and ran my plan past him, which was basically: “Drive over here so i can put Briar in the car and catch this seagull before she gets destroyed playing real-time Frogger. Oh, also bring Hanzo so when i make a satirical infographic it can have the word two several times.” (That last part was a joke. In case you thought i was seriously that douchey.)
They were juvenile seagulls, so not babies, but still not confident adults. After i caught the first one, the second one walked right out into oncoming traffic and waited to die. Three times. Two cars actually slammed on their brakes to avoid smushing it. Clearly, he dun’t know how to survive alone, so…
I handed Seamus the injured bird and caught the suicidal one, who was pretty sure we’d just killed and eaten his sister.
He pecked the shit out of my arm (which was the saddest, weakest attack ever–i’ve had worse sunburns) as i walked back toward Seamus. In case you didn’t know, Seamus is really smart. When i got close, he turned away and backed toward me like a freak. I was like “Why are you showing me your armpit?!” and he explained, “So they know each other aren’t dead.” It totally worked. The second the brother realized his sister wasn’t inside our intestines, he quieted down.
Then they decided to peck me together. Teamwork.
We wrapped them into the same coat and brought them back to hang out in a cardboard box in our bathroom, because we hadn’t been to bed yet. When we woke up, we took them to the wildlife rescue.
You can see their new home in the back of the photo below, just to the right of my head. JUST KIDDING. They went to live with a flock of other seagulls and record hit eighties songs and have bad hair.
Anyway, the moral of this story is, if i hadn’t needed a portal key from further up the road, i never would have seen the birds, and they both would probably be pavement putty by now. So Ingress saves animals! It’s a fact.